did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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