If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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