are you still at the devil's house?
smell my finger.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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