we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
