I wish I could teleport
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if only i could text you this smell
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
