Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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