There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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