can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
