I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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