No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he puts the penis in happiness.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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