I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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