maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
