I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
