I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
