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Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
