I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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