Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
