last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
