forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
