Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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