I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
