Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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