Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
