he shaved USA in his pubs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
