i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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