Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
