theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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