I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
