So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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