Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
