JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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