Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I had to cum in my sink.
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