i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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