I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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