wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
