My cat gives me a boner
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
