When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
