I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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