i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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