I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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