Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
