I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
