so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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