I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
