Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
