i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
