Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
