let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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