I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
