im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
