i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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